Well, since it's almost time for conference again, I thought I'd give a little shout out to all you fine folks who are no longer reading my blog for lack of new material.
You may have noticed the change in the template. I thought a fresh start was in order. And I'm going to have to relearn everything I ever new about html code. (Luckily, that's not much.)
So, Hi! How've you been? Really... Did you hear Steve Irwin died. I think it's very sad and yet, he died in at the hand (stinger?) of a re-oh biutay who was just saying, "Dayn juh." (I can't really speak with an Australian accent, so why did I think I could write in one?)
Speaking of celebrities, I met one, you know. Yup, and I was really excited about it too. I'd like to say that I conducted myself with aplomb and that my wit and charm made quite an impression on him. I'd like to say that.
Here's kinda how it went (it was a couple of weeks ago, so there may be some literary license):
EXT. Base Camp for the film "Forever Strong"-DAY
OUR HERO (that's me, not the Celebrity) anxiously stands by with a toddler on her hip (complete with squished animal crackers in hand and crumbs covering mouth) and a diaper bag over her shoulder, waiting for the second second AD to set up an introduction. The 2nd 2nd rushes by toward the Celebrity's trailer. Moments later he returns, Celebrity in tow, clearly making a bee-line to set. She catches the 2nd 2nd's eye. His look says, "Not now." (No, duh, I know my way around a film set, you know) But the Celebrity notices the exchange and veers away from the bee-line with hand outstretched.
CELEBRITY
What's your name?
OUR HERO
(stammering)
Hillary Straga
CELEBRITY
(indicating toddler)
And who's this?
OUR HERO
(recovering somewhat)
This is Moira.
CELEBRITY
Nice name.
Our Hero notices the 2nd 2nd doing the "Anxious AD Dance."
OUR HERO
But you've got to get to set.
EXT. Base Camp of Forever Strong-LATER
The Celebrity is released from set and walks back to base camp. He sees Our Hero and raises his index finger.
CELEBRITY
Just give me one minute.
He goes to his trailer and returns moments later.
CELEBRITY
Hi.
OUR HERO
(blurting)
I read your book.
CELBRITY
You did? Thanks for taking the time.
OUR HERO
I was wondering if you could...
A tall, lanky crew member approaches and interrupts.
TALL LANKY INTERRUPTING CREW MEMBER
I have a DVD. Could I get you to sign it?
CELEBRITY
Sure.
TALL LANKY INTERRUPTING CREW MEMBER
I'll go get it.
He lumbers off to retreive his precious DVD, oblivious to daggers being thrown at his back from Our Hero's eyes. The Celebrity turns his attention to Our Hero who is awkwardly holding out The Book.
CELEBRITY
Step into my office here on the steps
of the men's honeywagon.
Chuckle.
Our Hero hands the Celebrity The Book and a carefully chosen pen. The Celebrity sits on the steps of the men's honeywagon and opens the book to the title page.
CELEBRITY
What was your name again?
OUR HERO
Hillary. H-I-L-L-Q-D-E-F-T-G-K
She watches the celebrity begin the inscription only half hearing what's coming out of her mouth. The Celebrity stops after "Hilla."
CELEBRITY
Did you say two r's?
OUR HERO
No, just one r, but two l's.
CELEBRITY
I think you said two r's.
OUR HERO
I wouldn't put it past me. I'm a little
nervous.
She wipes her sweaty palms on her jeans and pushes up her glasses, squinting.
CELEBRITY
It's funny to me when people are nervous
about meeting me. Then they talk to
me and realize I'm just a normal guy.
No big deal.
Now is the time for Our Hero to ask the few prepared and rehearsed questions she'd been working on for days in anticipation of meeting the Celebrity.
OUR HERO
I was wondering about the whole SAG
issue with the films. I mean, how did
they get away with it? Was it because
they were out of the country?
Succinctly put. Well done, Hero.
CELEBRITY
Well, New Line didn't pay the
actors. They sent the money to
Wingnut and Wingnut is not a
signatory. Y'know I could have
made a lot more money if it had
been SAG. You get $1000 for every
forced call, and we never got
a full turn around...And SAG could
have gone after the actors, but
they didn't. In my opinion, it's
because they looked at the films
as a great representation of what
SAG actors can do...
Our Hero listens carefully. Almost carefully. She's got to formulate the next question, after all. But, suddenly, asking to see the tatoo seems gauche.
CELEBRITY
...So winning the SAG ensemble
award was pretty ironic, but it's
something I'm very proud of.
OUR HERO
So, they just didn't want to
be the bad guys.
CELEBRITY
Yeah...
OUR HERO
Ummm...My husband and I both
work in film and I was wondering
how you guys work it.
Suddenly that question seems really dumb. After all, Our Hero and her husband have been "working it" quite well for several years now, thank you very much.
CELEBRITY
Well, y'know, we were just
vacationing in Hawaii and I came here
Thursday and they joined me yesterday.
Then they'll go home on Monday and
me on Tuesday. My wife is here, did you meet
her?
OUR HERO
No, but I'd like to.
And so it went how I met The Celebrity. I did meet his wife briefly, and two of his daughters, but then they called lunch and I didn't want to be the reason The Celebrity went into meal penalty. That was TALL, LANKY CREW MEMBER's job.
Oh, right! So here's the book and the inscription.
